Why Paperwork Is Hazardous To Your Health
by Writer With Sprite
Summary: Colby Granger goes to drop some paperwork at his boss' house and ends up needing to protect Charlie from becoming a kidnapper's next victim. One-shot.


Why Paperwork Is Hazardous To Your Health

Colby Granger goes to drop some paperwork at his boss' house and ends up needing to protect Charlie from becoming a kidnapper's next victim. One-shot.

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Dedicated to tamysam who asked for some more Colby whump. I have an idea for a multi-length Numb3rs story that should be posted soon, so stay tuned!

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Colby Granger took a deep breath and steadied his gun. "You're going to let Charlie go, or I'm going to shoot," he said. He hoped his voice sounded firmer to the unknown subject than it sounded to him. His voice sounded like a bunch of squeaky chickens or something to him.

"But if I do that," the man said, "I'll ruin everything I worked so hard for. And you _surely_ wouldn't want me to do that, would you, Agent Granger?" The man's smile grew – if possible – even sicker. Colby felt sick to his stomach, although he didn't know why.

"Can you tell me about your plans you worked so hard for?" He wished that he knew who this guy was. The problem was that he hadn't a clue. He'd dropped by Don's house to drop off some files. He'd found Charlie alone at the house and had started chatting. Although he easily became lost when Charlie started his technological math-geek talk, he liked Charlie and tried to understand.

The key phrase, here, was _tried_.

"I worked so hard to break into this house, man."

_This_ house. Well, that was an interesting use of terminology. "So do you know who I am?" Colby asked, shifting the attention off of Charlie and onto him. Charlie gave him a glare, and Colby guessed that it meant "hurry up and end this soon, and don't let Don walk in on this little scene."

"I don't care who you are."

"I didn't ask if you didn't care who I am, dude. I asked if you knew who I was," Colby responded in what he sincerely hoped was a laid back term.

"You're federal agent Colby Granger. You don't belong in this house, and you're destroying my plans," the man remarked.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Colby retorted as he maneuvered closer to the man. There was no way that he was going to let this man walk away with Charlie. Don was already going to have his head for –

Suddenly, Charlie flew to the floor, and the man fired at Colby. Colby shoved Charlie out of the way of the fire and yelled, "Call for help, Charlie!" while he grabbed his pistol and fired off a shot. The shot missed the man and landed straight on Alan's staircase

.

Shit. Or, well, rather, that was Charlie's staircase.

At the minute, though, Colby really didn't care shit about the staircase – he wanted to make sure he and Charlie got out of there alive. He fired back at the man once more and missed, only to be caught by the man's gunfire and topple down. His leg was bleeding… His gun flew out of his hands. He lunged for it, only to be grabbed by the man and have his hands wrestled behind his back.

"I distracted you a little bit, didn't I?" the man cooed as he looked at Colby. Colby ignored the man and used the time instead to steady his breath, taking in several gulps of air.

"Let go of me," Colby told him firmly. He may be down but he wasn't out yet. "You're already going to be under arrest for attempted murder and attempted kidnapping. Do you really want to be arrested for the assault of a federal agent as well?"

"That sounds like a good idea," the man said, more to himself than anything. He reached out, kicking Colby in his already injured leg. It took everything Colby could do not to give a cry out of pain.

"Leave him alone," Charlie barked. Colby blinked up through the haze and closed his eyes. Hadn't he told Charlie to go and get help, and this was what happened?

The man smirked and said, "Well, well, well, look who I have here?" he sneered. Before Colby could say anything, Charlie picked up a nearby golf club – it must have been one of Alan's old ones – and swung it, hitting the man and knocking him unconscious.

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Colby slowly blinked back to consciousness slowly. "Well, look who finally came back to consciousness," Don said with a teasing grin as he closed his cell phone. "Your mother will be here shortly. I told her you were only shot in the leg, but she insisted on coming out tonight."

Colby smiled faintly. "Yeah, that sounds like her," he replied with a smile. "How's Charlie?"

"Shouldn't you be asking how you are?" Don asked with a teasing glance.

"I'm alive; I can feel my legs – that's what matters," Colby said. He also knew that if his condition had been more serious Don would have looked a lot more stressed out and worried.

"Charlie's fine. A bit shaken up, but fine. You're going to be fine too, by the way, after about a week on crutches and a week on bed rest."

"Awesome," Colby replied grimly.

"I love how you're more angry about bed rest than about getting shot at," Don said. "What happened?"

"Came by to drop off those files, Charlie started talking Math-geek, I started trying to understand him – and failing miserably, by the way. Charlie had said you'd be home soon, so I was just going to follow proper FBI protocol and give you the papers," Colby explained with a smile. His grin quickly faded. "The next thing I knew, this guy comes in and grabs Charlie. He knew who Charlie was; he knew who I was. Things got ugly fast, hence the shot on Alan's staircase."

Don grinned about that. "It's a good thing you were there," he said as he scratched the back of his neck. "Bozo hadn't counted on you being there, decided that wasn't a good thing. He'd been waiting a long time to abduct Charlie alone."

Colby winced. "Well, then I'm glad I was there too," he remarked. "Are you okay?" he asked, seeing how tense Don's shoulders were.

"You're the one laying in bed, Colby, not me," Don reminded him with a teasing smile on his face as he tried to bury his deeper feelings. "But, thanks for asking; I'm fine."

"I know you're physically fine," Colby replied. "Look, Don, no hard feelings, alright? I did what I had to do – it was my job. I'm just glad Charlie's alright… although I'm not so sure about your father's golf club," he added, changing the subject as Alan walked in.

"How are you doing?" Alan asked, smiling as he put the flowers and cards next to Colby's bed stand. There was a long-running joke between the two about that, and Colby smiled a little bit to see them.

"I'm on a week of bed rest," Colby grumbled, glaring at Don.

Don raised his hands. "Grumble all you want – I'm not disobeying Doctor Hendrickson. I think he's seen you one too many times. You should just be glad he's putting you on _only_ a week of bed rest. Actually, I should clarify. Two days of bed rest and then three of desk duty."

"Wonderful."

"Your brother's asking for you," Alan told Don. Don nodded, gave a mock-salute to Colby, and then left the room.

"I'm sorry about your banister," Colby told Alan, wincing as he thought of what else had been broken in the Eppes' house during the time that the man had decided to take Charlie hostage.

"I'm hardly worried about the banister, Colby. When Don told me that there had been a man in the house with the gun – I was very worried about what had happened. I'm just glad you were there."

Colby breathed a sigh of relief.

"Although," Alan responded, "If you really wanted to pay me back, there is one thing you could do."

"What is that?" Colby asked, eyeing the man skeptically.

"You could bring your mother over for some of that rib-eye, if she's a meat person, or if she's vegetarian, we can always fix something else. I'd love to swap stories."

"Yeah, I can see how that would be considered payback for fixing the banister," Colby remarked.

"Oh, it won't be too bad," Alan reassured. "We would just swap embarrassing stories about raising FBI agents."

"Yeah, that's going to be payback enough," Colby admitted, wondering what dirt his mother would reveal on him and suddenly being very glad he had been open and honest with the team about most of his childhood adventures.


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